Tao In You

We mold clay into a pot,
but it is the emptiness inside
that makes the vessel useful.

                                     — Laozi Tao Te Ching 11

To appreciate the value of things around us, look beyond the surface.

A pot is useful not for its clay, but its emptiness.

For the same token, you as a person is useful not for what you look, but what you do. 

Money is useful not for its paper and denomination, but the happiness it can bring.   

A house is useful not for its pillars and wall, but the empty space in it where you can live in and build the family bonds you treasure.

Knowing the difference between the being and non-being in Tao makes your life more fulfilled.

Picture source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/steveleenow/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

If you want to be happy, chances are you’d be unhappy.

If you’re happy, you don’t have to think about wanting to be happy. Happiness comes naturally from factors like love, contentment and pleasure that make you feel good, not the thought of wanting to be happy.

When you want to be happy, it can be that factors like sour relationship, failure, stress, and what not are making you unhappy. Such factors, unfortunately, will not go away with the thought of wanting to be happy.

If you want to be happy, learn to accept what life is.

Learn to flow with life.

Learn to see happiness as a process, not a destination.

When you can accept what life is, you will be able to accept what come with it, good or bad.  You will see whatever good or bad as a process that you have to live with. The question is how you want to live with it: in happiness or despair.

Being happy, in this case, becomes a way of life, not a desire.  It becomes a choice, not good to have.

This is more likely to make you happy, rather than simply wanting to be happy.

Know the white,
yet keep to the black;
it is the pattern of the world.
Flow with the pattern of the world,
you are constantly in the path of virtue,
and returning to the infinite.

Lao Tze Dao De Jing 28

Life is difficult! There are many things in life that can turn you upside down.

It does not matter how smart you are, or how much money you have. You will have your fair share of downsides of life. You could fail an examination, unable to win the heart of the person you love, flop a project or sigh at the profit that goes downhill.

The next time when life is playing tricks on you again, however, try asking yourself this question, “what do I mean when I say that life is difficult?”

The tao that can be described
is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

Tao Te Ching, Laozi 1

There is no one way to describe things in life.

When you feel that your life is difficult, what are you comparing it with?

Think of the persons who you admire. The difficulty that you experience can be small when in comparison to the challenges these great people have endured.  In this sense, the difficulty is a difficulty no more.   Compare yourself to people who are less fortunate, you may feel that you are thankful for being what you are.

On the other hand, if you are able to see the essence of things, rather than what it appears to be, bad needs not be bad, and good needs not be good.

Slouching in the comfort of your sitting room couch will never make you a strong.   To stay robust, you’ll have to endure the duress of training and drilling.

For the same token, to build a character, you will need the tutelage of adversity.  When you can see things in this perspective, the most appropriate name for adversity — in this case — is no longer ‘adversity’.  Although there is no ‘eternal name’ for advesity, it can well tentatively be known as ‘opportunity’.

Good fortune has its roots in bad fortune,
and bad fortune lurks with good fortune.
Who knows why these things happen,
or when this cycle will end?   (58)

Lao Tzu, founder of Daoism

Life is like going to a movie.

If you’re going to a movie and want to spoil the fun, bring a critic along!

Chances are — instead of enjoying dynamics of the drama, you will be treated to a fare of what’s right and what’s wrong.  “The costume of the heroin is inappropriate.  Wow, look at how they manipulate the camera!  Oh, the lighting …”

It is like reading into the anatomy of a girl you love instead of appreciating her beauty, or scrutinizing material of the canvas instead of admiring enchantment of an oil painting.

See how being a critic can make life miserable!

If you want to enjoy what you have, learn to stop being one.

Forget about what is right or wrong, or good or bad for a moment, so that you will not miss the fascination of being.

There is nothing wrong with critics, and we need critics to make the world better.  Live life of a critic, nevertheless, only when you have to be one, rather than for everything you do.  Otherwise, your life will lose its charm, just like the drama loses its lure.

Like what Laozi says in the Tao Te Ching:

Let the knowledge go and you will be free.
What is the difference between yes and no?
What is the difference between good and evil?
Must you fear what others fear?
Nonsense, look how far you have missed the mark!

Lao Tzu (founder of Taoism), Tao Te Ching, chapter 20

A very valuable lesson that I’ve learned about success is to value failure.

It sounds paradoxical, but life is paradoxical.

There are opposite forces in all things we do.  Day is not purely day; and night is not purely night.  The moment when the sun rises, the day is inching to the night every second.

So why must a failure be a failure, and not a journey taking you closer to success?

In order to attract success, learn to see failure not as failure, but a necessary element of success.  Only when you are able to see failure in this way, that you are able to spot in failure opportunities that breed success.

As Lao Tze says,

“If you want to become whole,
first let yourself become broken.
If you want to become straight,
first let yourself become twisted.
If you want to become full,
first let yourself become empty.
If you want to become new,
first let yourself become old.
Those whose desires are few gets them,
those whose desires are great go astray. ”
(Chapter 22)

A secret weapon behind people of high achievement is that they do not just work hard.  Working hard alone does not lead to exceptional performance.

In addition to working hard, they work on the magnetic field in which they work.

One way to do this is to see your work as if it’s your romantic partner.  See it as if it is someone that you have dearly fallen in love with.

We all know the power of romantic love.  If you have not experienced it yourself, you probably would have learned about it from novels and movies like Romeo and Juliet. Romantic love is powerful.   You are willing to die for someone you are truly in love with.

The moment that you can see your work as something you truly love, the magnetic field in which you work in changes.  You no longer get frustrated easily for not being able to see immediate results.  Obstacles become something that strengthens rather than taking your enthusiasm away.

This alone will lead you to exceptional performance.

From the perspective of Tao, the phenomenon is seen as the working of yin and yang.

As Laozi says,

All things carry Yin yet embrace Yang.   They blend their life, breath in order to produce harmony. (Lao Tze Chapter 42)

Contact Tekson.

Why many people can’t make decision, even about the most insignificant things in life?

They are not sure what they should eat for lunch and wear for the party; not to mention how they should react when their bosses ask them to comment on something.

What is keeping them from making a decision?

Little do they know, it could be their desire.

When they think of eating Italian pasta, they miss the steak.  When they are about to put on their jeans, they miss their skirts.

The problem is our desire is endless.  And if you keep thinking about the many things your want, no decision can ever be made.

Instead, find out the best options available, before entertaining your desire.  You’ll find decision-making is not exactly a hassle.

Learn from Lao Tze:

Freed from desire, you can see the hidden mystery.
By having desire, you can only see what is visibly real. (Chapter 1)

Contact Tekson.

One of the biggest reasons people fail to become a good leader is that they cannot make decision.

They’re not sure what they should do, even about the most insignificant things in life.  Which movies to go to?  What on the desk or in the carboard should be cast into the dustbin?  Should I say ‘no’ to an invitation?

As a result, they lead their life without making decisions.

If you want to be a leader — and unfortunately you are having the decision-making problem that I have just described — you’ll need to change.  Decision making is fundamental to leadership.  You will not want to follow anyone who does not know where he wants to go.  So if you want to lead, you must let your people have clarity of direction.

What is the first step that you should take to change this?

The simple answer is: start making decisions!

Cultivate the courage to make decisions.

But start small.  So that you will not run into too much risk when going through the learning process.  Make many, many small decisions, and be ready to accept the mistakes that you make in the process.

You may go to a wrong movie, throw away the wrong documents, and hurt a friend’s ego by saying ‘no’ to her invitation, but you learn in the process.

If you would continue to make decisions and review the results of the decisions, the communities effect can be tremendous.  You will get better and better, and eventually have the ability to make decisions as a leader, comfortably!

In order to be a great leader, start small.

Just like what Lao Tze says:

The Tao is nameless and unchanging.
Although it appears insignificant,
nothing in the world can contain it. (Chapter 32)